University Of York
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A Final Summary of the Sabbatical Officers
James DurcanNever one to make a fuss, James Durcan’s quiet, near silent management style has left no one in any doubt of his ability to remain unseen and unheard. Despite widespread disinterest surrounding his lack of activity, one thing Durcan has excelled in is listening to students — he is keen to hear student’s experiences, to learn […]
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YUSU Introduces ‘Roses Lager’
YUSU will be bringing out a ‘Roses lager’ in time for the 2019 sports competition. The Lemon Press can exclusively reveal the beverages that our union’s most adventurous alcoholics sampled ahead of our annual sporting arse-kicking before making their decision… The Rugby Team’s Scrumpy:This drink is described as something that should be consumed straight and […]
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Editorial: The People Must Be Given A Second Vote
The Lemon Press today calls for a second referendum to be held within The Lemon Press on whether or not it should support or oppose the YUSU referendum on whether or not YUSU should support a second referendum on the UK’s membership of the European Union. The will of the person. Following a referendum with historically […]
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Wat-Er We Doing Here Again?
To tell you all the truth, I am bored of making jokes about York Vision. I am so tired of seeing their dismal efforts littering campus, each miserable edition another litre of nut-brown piss slung into the face of a once decent publication. For three and a bit years now, I have been offering, erm… […]
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My Speech: Alex Urquhart at the Love York Awards
Time for my speech, the big one, here to close off the evening before fading into the world of employment — Oh, tits, a stage invasion. Who is it, the socialists? Father always warned me they’d come for us eventually. No, it’s just that blathering idiot Durcan and his new gang. Doesn’t he know I have a […]
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Manhunt for the Elusive Email Baron Intensifies
Dateline, York. The hunt for the elusive email baron continues, a modern day UNABOMBER investigation. The fearsome baron? It has been less than five days since University of York students were plagued by the first round of incomprehensible, and frankly, fucking stupid, spam emails – but enough about the GDPR reminders. Currently, the Derwent football team […]
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Outbreak of Vonck’s Disease Decimates YUSU Media
Doctors were rushed to Grimston House earlier this week, following the diagnosis of Vonck’s Disease in multiple members of York Vision. Reportedly ‘out of control,’ with members of the student community at risk of exposure to conditions that will ‘befuddle the mind’, ‘make one cry out in horror’, cause them to ‘sweat profusely’, and ‘regret […]
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Fire and Fury: Inside the Lamberts Heslington Hall
The disorder of Heslington Hall, the administrative nerve center of the University of York, and home to the UK’s second-biggest collection of spinny chairs (#1 being a York-based lettings agency) is to be laid bare in a new book by Michael ‘The Boy Who Cried’ Wolff. Extracts from the book show a chaotic university administration […]
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Hunt Begins for the 5.1% Who Voted in Latest YUSU Referendum
Pictured: The Lemon Press’s preferred punishment for democratic busybodies and other such troublemakers. As the latest YUSU referendum finishes, it has been revealed that, like all its predecessors, it was simply a ruse to root out that troublesome minority of students who actually do vote in the YUSU referendums. It is now, once again, time […]
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One Minute of One Second Clips of Candidates for the Top Five Sabb Roles but It Steadily Gets More…
Bismarck/Von Moltke reacts only Appropriate reaction pictured.
