Ukpolitics
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The Diaper Squad hits London: it’s Bedlam!
It has been a long time since Londoners visited Bedlam to see the mentally unwell in states of great distress, but one can still pay to see a gathering of lunatics in pockets of the capital today. This month saw one such congregation of the paranoid, as our friends from America, Charlie Kirk and Candace […]
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Heslington Hall Occupation: A Diary
Day 1. Morale is high, and numbers are good. We will show these UUK pig fuckers what we’re made of. A nice lady has just been round with some mugs of tea and words of encouragement. We have some jokers here who thought it’d be funny to play Vengaboys while York Vision were trying to […]
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Three Whiteboards Outside Heslington, York
After proposed changes to the University Superannuation Scheme, lecturers have taken the matter into their own hands and put up three whiteboards that have sent Heslington into chaos. Passing between Hes West and Hes East, the following can now be seen in bright red permanent marker: ‘Shafted While Retiring’, ‘And Still No Arrangement’ and ‘How […]
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Disappointment as Boring Lecturer not Joining Industrial Action
The whole science faculty has today reeled at the department’s most tedious lecturer’s decision to cross the picket line. To no one’s benefit, the fifty-something monochrome enthusiast has resolutely returned to work, fully determined to read his one hour long diatribes directly from the powerpoint. It is believed he has done so out of neither […]
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Has The Commercialisation of Yule Gone Too Far?
Saturnalia Special: Frescoes of this image of Wodan available for 50 coins Whatever happened to the good old days when Yule used to be about getting together at the solstice and having a family feast, sharing food and each other’s company? But now, it’s all buy buy buy. Every single day in the run up, all […]
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‘Give His Office a Wipe Down’, Damian Green’s Successor Warned
In a shock move, Damian Green has resigned as First Secretary of State and Minister for the Cabinet Office following allegations of being an enormous wanker. He has also been accused of using parliamentary IT resources to view pornographic material. Artist’s impression of Mr Green viewing Ted Cruz’s Twitter feed Following the resignation, Mr Green’s successor […]
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No People Exist in the United Kingdom, Reveals Philip Hammond
The Chancellor on the Andrew Marr Show (Original/BBC Composite) The Chancellor of the Exchequer announced this morning on the BBC’s Andrew Marr Show that ‘there are, in fact, no people in the UK’. The Chancellor is understood to have made this curious argument to an audience of either millions or none, depending on whom you […]
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Jacob Rees-Mogg Opposed to Socialism, People Shocked to Find
The rising favourite for next leader of the Conservative Party, Jacob Rees-Mogg, was found not to be a socialist in groundbreaking revelations that have sent shockwaves through the country. Rees-Mogg, the Eton and Oxford educated son of a Tory peer and former editor of the Times, who had a career in banking before moving into […]
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Tim Farron Quits Lib Dem Leadership Over ‘Personal Clash’
Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron has said he is to leave the role following last week’s election. The statement follows what he calls being ‘torn’ between serving as political leader of a progressive party and his faith. Farron found it difficult to reconcile leading the Liberal Democrats, which involved delivering addresses which claimed that the […]
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Unexplained Surge in Irish Sentiment
As Theresa May made her [victory? — Eds.] speech outside number 10 this morning, a pair of green shamrock socks could be seen peeking from beneath her blue suit. Across Westminster, successful Tory MPs were seen shakily downing pints of Guinness and putting mini Ulster Banners on their desks. In the Home Counties, Irish pubs saw an […]
