The whole science faculty has today reeled at the department’s most tedious lecturer’s decision to cross the picket line. To no one’s benefit, the fifty-something monochrome enthusiast has resolutely returned to work, fully determined to read his one hour long diatribes directly from the powerpoint. It is believed he has done so out of neither principle nor passion, but out of a misplaced belief in his teaching ability, which many claim actually drains knowledge from the room.

Resorting to desperate measures, some students have attempted to radicalise the listless triple divorcee with socialist literature. These appeals failed when it was tragically discovered the lecturer, who we can only speculate has never been in the same room as an orgasm, was a lifelong member of the Liberal Democrats.

When asked about his baffling decision, the gaping gray mass claimed that ‘If [he] wanted a decent pension, [he’d] plan to live past sixty’.