York
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Coming Soon: Love York is Blind
Coming soon to YSTV, the innovative excitement to see if Love York is really blind. Watch as students enter isolation pods in the library where they will be forced to talk to each of the five sabbs about YUSU. On a romantic getaway to Mexico, the students will get a chance to strengthen their emotional […]
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York Tories announce civil servant bullying social
After cries of misogyny and poor taste around the now-infamous fox hunting social, the York UniversiTories have announced that they will instead commemorate Priti Patel and do a bar crawl themed around the career of Sir Philip Rutnam. The problematic scamps will be split into two groups, representing the Home Secretary and the disgruntled civil […]
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Coronavirus Comes to York After ‘Narrowly’ Missing Cambridge Offer
According to NHS England, there has been an outbreak of coronavirus in York. However, The Lemon Press has learned that York is, in fact, the virus’ ‘second choice’ of city after Cambridge. Despite giving a ‘promising’ interview, the virus ultimately failed to achieve its A*AA offer and its dreams of attending the prestigious institution. After […]
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ANALYSIS: Where Should the House of Lords Sit in York?
The Lords may be moving to York. It’s all part of a scheme to both reconnect with voters and justify the purchase of a quaint second/third/fourth home in York City Centre. I have conducted an exhaustive search of all the best places they could move — you could say I’m doing the Lord’s work. York Railway Station […]
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A Final Summary of the Sabbatical Officers
James DurcanNever one to make a fuss, James Durcan’s quiet, near silent management style has left no one in any doubt of his ability to remain unseen and unheard. Despite widespread disinterest surrounding his lack of activity, one thing Durcan has excelled in is listening to students — he is keen to hear student’s experiences, to learn […]
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EU Election Results ‘Undoubtedly Swayed’ by YUSU’s Support for Second Referendum
The referendum held on campus that led to YUSU backing a nationwide second Brexit referendum has been recognised as the leading cause for the poll shifts in the European elections. The evening saw humiliating results for the Conservative and Labour parties across the country, as well as in York: both parties went to D-Bar and […]
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Should I Join a Society?
You don’t seem to have a choice nowadays. Social contract this, social contract that. Slap me on the theoretical arse and call me Jean and Jacques, I ain’t never seen no contract. When did I ever consent? Did they take a hiccup for a yes and dribbling for a no? ‘There is no such thing […]
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Outbreak of Vonck’s Disease Decimates YUSU Media
Doctors were rushed to Grimston House earlier this week, following the diagnosis of Vonck’s Disease in multiple members of York Vision. Reportedly ‘out of control,’ with members of the student community at risk of exposure to conditions that will ‘befuddle the mind’, ‘make one cry out in horror’, cause them to ‘sweat profusely’, and ‘regret […]
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York Vision Not the UK’s Most Awarded Student Newspaper (And Never Was)
An investigation (no, really) by The Lemon Press has found that acclaimed toilet paper substitute York Vision is in fact not the ‘UK’s most awarded student newspaper’. Despite having claimed as such since 2010, the truth is rather more complex. Following a search through the archives of the NUS, the Guardian, the Daily Mirror, the […]
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Hunt Begins for the 5.1% Who Voted in Latest YUSU Referendum
Pictured: The Lemon Press’s preferred punishment for democratic busybodies and other such troublemakers. As the latest YUSU referendum finishes, it has been revealed that, like all its predecessors, it was simply a ruse to root out that troublesome minority of students who actually do vote in the YUSU referendums. It is now, once again, time […]
