After cries of misogyny and poor taste around the now-infamous fox hunting social, the York UniversiTories have announced that they will instead commemorate Priti Patel and do a bar crawl themed around the career of Sir Philip Rutnam.

The problematic scamps will be split into two groups, representing the Home Secretary and the disgruntled civil servant. The Patel group will be clad in a nice coat and are encouraged to paint on her smug fucking facial expression but have been discouraged but painting on anything else to resemble the walking breach of the Ministerial Code.

They will be chasing down the Rutnam group, a group which will encourage to dress up to be balding, rat-faced, and complacent: not a massive challenge for most of them.

If they get caught the Rutnams will be subject to a verbal colonic on the back of the 66 bus by the Patels which withesses to past events have described as “racist, but not in a good way”.

Chay Quinn