University Of York
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Uni of York Band ’The Jefferies’ Release Their Second Album
Just two months on from the release of their debut album, The DTEF Queen Is Dead, which lamented the departure of Ms Harvey Dowdy from the University’s Executive Board, James College indie rockers The Jefferies are back again with Severances, Here We Come. Taking inspiration from the present financial situation at the Uni of York […]
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Charlie Jeffery Appears on Dragon’s Den
Students at the University of York were shocked to see that their Vice-Chancellor, Charlie Jeffery, was appearing on the BBC programme Dragon’s Den. I watched the show live last Thursday, and I have recounted a summary of the events below. Charlie opened the pitch (£15 million for an 85% share in the University of York) […]
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Long Boi, More Like Long Bye! Get It? Because He Was Moved
Oh you don’t get it? You poor thing, you silly sausage! Well, the joke is quite sophisticated, so I suppose you can be forgiven. You see, the word “bye” in the joke relates to the fact that the statue was moved, but it also sounds like “boi”, as in Long Boi. This double meaning gives […]
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An Interview with Gary, Lord of All Geese
On Wednesday, one of the campus correspondents for The Lemon Press was granted an exclusive interview with Gary, Lord of All Geese (GLAG) in Yorkshire and Surrounding Regions, who has recently taken up residence on Campus West of the University of York. TLP: Okay, so, first off, I have to say it’s an absolute honour […]
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15 Point Plan to Address University of York’s £15m Deficit
1. Close the two remaining receptions and replace all receptionists with YABBAtars (York Automated Bionic Buddy & Assistant). 2. Completely axe Open Door mental health support and sign post students to DeepSeek (open-source natural language chatbot) when they feel sad. 3. Design, print and deploy even more energy saving posters. 4. Buy and fly an […]
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A Final Summary of the Sabbatical Officers
James DurcanNever one to make a fuss, James Durcan’s quiet, near silent management style has left no one in any doubt of his ability to remain unseen and unheard. Despite widespread disinterest surrounding his lack of activity, one thing Durcan has excelled in is listening to students — he is keen to hear student’s experiences, to learn […]
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YUSU Introduces ‘Roses Lager’
YUSU will be bringing out a ‘Roses lager’ in time for the 2019 sports competition. The Lemon Press can exclusively reveal the beverages that our union’s most adventurous alcoholics sampled ahead of our annual sporting arse-kicking before making their decision… The Rugby Team’s Scrumpy:This drink is described as something that should be consumed straight and […]
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Editorial: The People Must Be Given A Second Vote
The Lemon Press today calls for a second referendum to be held within The Lemon Press on whether or not it should support or oppose the YUSU referendum on whether or not YUSU should support a second referendum on the UK’s membership of the European Union. The will of the person. Following a referendum with historically […]
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Wat-Er We Doing Here Again?
To tell you all the truth, I am bored of making jokes about York Vision. I am so tired of seeing their dismal efforts littering campus, each miserable edition another litre of nut-brown piss slung into the face of a once decent publication. For three and a bit years now, I have been offering, erm… […]
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My Speech: Alex Urquhart at the Love York Awards
Time for my speech, the big one, here to close off the evening before fading into the world of employment — Oh, tits, a stage invasion. Who is it, the socialists? Father always warned me they’d come for us eventually. No, it’s just that blathering idiot Durcan and his new gang. Doesn’t he know I have a […]
