Jeremy Corbyn
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How Does Each Party Leader Murder Squirrels?
Jeremy Corbyn has not murdered any squirrels but was present at a wreath-laying ceremony commemorating a well-known squirrel murderer. Boris Johnson has no recollection of how many squirrels he has murdered but he does not finish murdering a squirrel before moving onto a new one. Jo Swinson owns a small personal armoury, including 3 chainsaws, […]
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OMG! Theresa May Finally Asks Jeremy Corbyn Out
The Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition are to meet for ‘talks’ today in an attempt to break the Parliamentary Brexit deadlock, but The Lemon Press can exclusively reveal that they are going out on a date! After years of negging, the two are finally acting on their love for each other: Theresa […]
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Coming Soon to ITV: Agatha Christie’s Murder on the Virgin Trains East Coast Express
Join Detective Hercule Poirot, played by the legendary David Suchet, as he must solve the greatest mystery he has ever faced. One train, ten carriages, and one victim. Will Poirot find the truth behind a seemingly brutal press cockup? Who is the shady Dick B. Ranson pulling the strings, and where are the missing passengers […]
