Elections
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How Does Each Party Leader Murder Squirrels?
Jeremy Corbyn has not murdered any squirrels but was present at a wreath-laying ceremony commemorating a well-known squirrel murderer. Boris Johnson has no recollection of how many squirrels he has murdered but he does not finish murdering a squirrel before moving onto a new one. Jo Swinson owns a small personal armoury, including 3 chainsaws, […]
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EU Election Results ‘Undoubtedly Swayed’ by YUSU’s Support for Second Referendum
The referendum held on campus that led to YUSU backing a nationwide second Brexit referendum has been recognised as the leading cause for the poll shifts in the European elections. The evening saw humiliating results for the Conservative and Labour parties across the country, as well as in York: both parties went to D-Bar and […]
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Electoral Colleges To Be Used in YUSU Election
Oh, they mean ‘fuck’. They’re trying to say ‘fuck’. — Ed. Following months of heated debate, it was decided at the recent YUSU Constitutional Convention that upcoming YUSU elections will now be held using via the Electoral Colleges. Delegates proposed two opposing plans — the Wentworth Plan, otherwise known as the ‘small colleges plan’ — and the Derwent Plan, otherwise known […]
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Unexplained Surge in Irish Sentiment
As Theresa May made her [victory? — Eds.] speech outside number 10 this morning, a pair of green shamrock socks could be seen peeking from beneath her blue suit. Across Westminster, successful Tory MPs were seen shakily downing pints of Guinness and putting mini Ulster Banners on their desks. In the Home Counties, Irish pubs saw an […]
