Following the closure of schools, Sheffield’s most notorious pedophile has had to move with the times: changing his school outfit for a fully-equipped Nightingale hospital. With everyone at home, he wasn’t fooling anyone with ‘Sheffield School — Open Day’. The monster is now roaming the streets as a 500 bed two-storey hospital, luring sick children in with his sick tricks.

South Yorkshire Police released a statement which reads as follows, ‘There is no Nightingale Hospital in Sheffield and it definitely doesn’t have a children’s ward giving out free sweets to anyone who visits with a tummy ache.’ They’re taking no prisoners, literally, he’s still on the loose… Stay safe.

Will Rowan