British police forces celebrate a historic victory today. After 7 long years of hide-and-seek, they today found their target: 47-year-old Julian Assange from Australia.

Early on Thursday morning, Metropolitan officers gained entry to the Ecuadorian embassy and were photographed leading Assange to a police van. According to eyewitnesses, Assange was reluctant to leave. “Blimey, he’s a bit of a sore loser, isn’t he?” remarked one spectator, who wished to remain anonymous. The Lemon Press approached Scotland Yard for comment, and were granted a brief interview with Chief Inspector Hugh Dunnitt.

TLP: Thanks for talking to us, Hugh. If I may ask, why did it take this long to find Assange?
DUNNITT: Well we’ve actually known for a while where Assange was — it was more a question of our officers not being able to enter the-
TLP: Or was this a game of hide-and-seek tig, rather than the standard game?
DUNNITT: Eh?
TLP: Perhaps the government’s massive budget cuts limited your ability to play effectively?
DUNNITT: Uh, no comment.

It’s unclear what happens now. Is Assange now ‘it’? Will the entire police force of the UK have to hide until he tracks them down, one by one? According to top political analysts, this is unlikely — rather, Assange and the police are expected to switch to stuck-in-the-mud.

— Alfie Gerzimbke