John Johnson, 21, today, after some hefty deliberation, decided to click the little wiggly arrow symbol [Is there some kind of obscure name for this? There’s names for stuff like this. There always is. I mean, the line in a ‘t’ is called a crossbar. Jesus Christ that’s actually disgusting wow never mind. — Eds.] to the left of the play button.

‘I like to think I’m becoming a tough, rough-and-ready, in the moment, balls to the wall, prostate to the ceiling, try new things kind of guy. Hex.’ stated John, after clarifying he was attempting to inject a curse word into every one of his sentences ‘So’s people know that I’m not just one of SOCIETY’S DRONES.’

‘By the way, have you guys ever seen Fight Club?’

— Marvin Drury