In what has been dubbed ‘political over-correctness’, YUSU has decided to undergo yet another effort to ‘diversify’. Often criticised for attracting the same sort of candidates, the YUSU elections will now appeal to a wider demographic. These new measures will see its election process being overhauled in order to make YUSU more ‘representative of its student body’.

As such, YUSU will simply pick the first five students who pass YorSpace – provided, of course, they’re white. It is hoped that this will help attract a more representative set of sabbs – perhaps hungover students on their way back to Eric A or even hungover students running late on their way to lectures.

Members of York’s BAME network have praised the initiative, saying ‘it’s good they’re no longer pretending to be subtle, I guess’.

In the interest of neutrality, The Lemon Press has also attempted to contact a White Students Network on campus (there isn’t one currently but, you know, give it time).

Ashvini Rae, issue 39, 2019