As NME has its last print edition before disappearing into the void, we asked students what they thought about the situation. NME, the proud owner of the words ‘I don’t actually like music, shall we put an ad here?’ and ‘Do you think people will notice if we fill these extra pages with film reviews even though we are a music-focussed publication?’, has had mixed reviews from students.

Timothy ‘the bearded beret boy’ noted that he used to read NME before it was cool in his previous life back in the 1960s. Since then, he has been famed for his ability to have read NME even before it was handed to him on campus. Timothy would always be up to date on the finest NME articles such as ‘These 10 things are cool and we promise we weren’t paid too much to tell you so!’ and ‘This artist isn’t very popular but the big artists have better people to talk to than us now so here you go.’

Rumours has it that student media societies are overjoyed. One Nouse reporter stated: ‘No longer must we arrange our editions with origami styled folds simply to fortify the media bins from NME’s treachery. We are now free of the tyranny of the National Music Express and its red coated minions.’

Meanwhile Circulation magazine are heard to have leapt with joy hearing that NME will no longer be distributing. Circulation has now announced another ‘launch party’ exclaiming that ‘now you have slightly more reason to read us!’

Finally, NME distributors themselves state that they are not too bothered at becoming unemployed. One distributor stated: ‘I am in too much student debt anyway that the money didn’t actually help. I did it for the NME merch because one day it’ll be “vintage” and I can tell my grandchildren I was cool and into music.’

— Jacob Phillips

[More by Jacob about NME in some rag called Nouse: http://www.nouse.co.uk/2018/02/01/nme-is-distributing-away-their-dignity/ — Eds.]