‘But there’s about 325 million US citizens and only one of him, so the odds of him and the Bad Guy With A Gun being around at the same time could be pretty slim.

That’s why the tragic events in Vegas happened. Really the onus is on YOU to be proactive and procure between one and nineteen of the automatic rifles freely available without background checks in the state of Nevada and book a hotel room in case a random attacker unknown to the police with zero motivation decides to start firing up the town right next door to you.

If you’re not there armed with a .45 semi-auto ready to unload a mag into the burrito-loving codger, then who else will be?

If you’re not there with a rifle designed for combat use against armed platoons of insurrectionists as you take your kids to school you may as well just put a good hard All American-made 5.56x45mm NATO round right into their soft infant skull. May as well splatter their juvenile brains onto the blackboard right there and then, because you have failed to protect them utterly and completely.

Also if you’re at a Hispanic or gay club or whatever maybe carry a derringer, or just don’t go or whatever; don’t get mad if brown people ruin your night sorry I lost my train of thought.’

— NRA president outlining official policy on how to combat mass shootings.