Liz Bass
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Pope Francis DEAD – Trump Announces Bid to Replace Him
DATELINE – VATICAN CITY Pope Francis has died at the age of 88. He was known for his wide range of progressive policies, such as advocating for migrants, acting as a peacemaker in many global conflicts, and calling for less discrimination against LGBTQ+ individuals. Despite this, he maintained many of the Church’s more oppressive policies, […]
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Donald Trump Declares Victory in York SU Elections
In a bizarre and, frankly, disturbing move White House resident Donald Trump has preemptively declared himself York SU’s Union Affairs Officer. In a statement released on Monday, the Home Alone 2 star claimed that it’s “obvious” that the overwhelming majority of York students wanted him to lead York SU. He also added that “while it […]
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Student Cookery: Gam Gam’s Famous Spaghetti Bolognese
Serves 2 Ingredients: – One half onion – One bell pepper, red or yellow – A clove of garlic – A dash of red wine (preferably £5 or under. And no more than £20. Anyone who spends more than that on wine is a gullible idiot). – Olive oil – Beef stock – 250 g […]
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Santa Hit With Infringement Lawsuit
DATELINE – NEW YORK In a move which has stunned the world, a group of thirty-seven entertainment companies, including Hasbro, Nintendo, Microsoft, and BAE Systems, have filed a class action lawsuit against Santa Claus. The seven-hundred and forty one page lawsuit claims that Santa has “repeatedly and knowingly” violated the patent and trademark rights of […]
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Лимонный Пресс Сейчас По-Русский Язык
Привет, друзсья! В Лимонном Прессе, мы получили много письма из ФСБ о нашей языковой политика. Так, мы с гордостью объявляем мы сейчас печатаем «Лимонный Пресс» по-русский язык. Обеспокоенные читатели такие как Владимир Путин, Доналд Трамп и Нигел Фараге могут хороший спать, почему что наши повелители в Кремле могут легко проверить что мы распространяем раздор и […]
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UoY Declares ’Old Testament Justice’ in Force for Long Boi Vandal
University of York Vice Chancellor Charlie Jeffery today announced that “Old Testament Justice” would be employed against the snivelling pus bag who vandalised the statue of Long Boi. The statue, which sits near Derwent K Block, had its left leg cut during the night of the 14th November, completely coincidentally the same night as The […]
