7 Signs Your Exam Is Just a Prank by The Prank Patrol

Will Rowan | 1 minute read

Joe Pesci has confirmed he has full legal rights to attempt to enter your house if it’s left unattended for 15 minutes. This relies on the same precedent that allows you to leave a class if the teacher does not arrive within 15 minutes. It’s a revelation that’s spun local Facebook groups into overdrive. Despite…

Dan Bennett | 11 minute read

This is not a bit. These are my genuine thoughts on the album, I wouldn’t normally listen but I felt left out on the tweets. First impressions – This is too long. 30 songs? I have not had 30 quality thoughts in my life, let alone enough to transform into 29 songs plus an additional…

Lemon Press Writers | 1 minute read

Greg’s Place: On the condition that it is with someone named Greg. Bonus points if it’s Greg Dyke.  York Minster Steps: Whole new meaning to ‘oh god’  Van Gogh Experience: Rub one off in Vincent’s face as a lifetime of rejection led him to the building you are in.  York Poundland: Clues in the name …

Dan Bennett | 3 minute read

Here they come, they’re on a roll, but are the Prank Patrol making a stop in YOUR house to prank you with a seemingly-impossible exam? Here are seven ways you can spot if your exam is just a harmless prank. 1 – Your friend is being overly nice and helpful, why are they doing that?…

Lemon Press Writers | 2 minute read

The voices are getting louder. Sometimes, when we experience auditory hallucinations, we can worry for our sanity – but don’t worry, disembodied voices telling you to do horrific things is actually a completely normal side effect of reading The Lemon Press.  If these voices are starting to interfere with your life, the best way to…

Lemon Press Writers | 2 minute read

I’m starting in September and I’m anxious about meeting my new flatmates. What if they don’t like me?  Standing face to face with a brand new person can be daunting. It might be easier to introduce yourself with a wall between you. Try cutting a hole in your bedroom wall and putting your hand through…

Chris Small | 2 minute read

Ok, you’ve been in your student house for a while, you’re all settled in but now you want to decorate and need ideas.  Here’s the TLP guide to give you all the ideas you need to decorate your house. 1 – Leave mouldy cheese cuttings on the floor of your kitchen.  Cut some mould off…

Dan Bennett | 3 minute read

BILF – Bros; just because they’re your dudes, it doesn’t mean they can’t have big ILF energy. CILF – Centenarians, a kink that exploded after mega CILF Captain Tom. An entire nation jealous of a zimmer frame… DILF – Da’s, Dads and Daddies. These are three separate demographics, a Da is an older centrist, a…

Will Rowan | 1 minute read

Bad news sex-havers, Coldplay have just announced they’ll stop recording more of their sweet baby-making music in 2025.The stocking filler of getting filled, Chris Martin’s dulcet tones have been setting the sex scene for over 20 years. Now we’ll only have three more sensual overloads of albums before Martin finishes. Following the release of Fix…

Chris Small | 1 minute read

In the holiday season spirit the government has promised that the war on Christmas will be over by Christmas.  The promise that the war will be over soon will be made considerably easier to achieve by the fact that it doesn’t actually exist.  In order to end the war on Christmas the government will seek…

Dan Bennett | 1 minute read

This is quite an embarrassing story for us really. We got together and brought Sigmund Frued back to life (please don’t ask, it’s a surprisingly boring story) just to see what his reaction would be to the internet. We know, it’s immature to dabble in necromancy, but we thought that we could get some funny…

Dan Bennett | 2 minute read

Internet inevitably Jake Paul’s boxing career continues to grow as he picked his biggest opponent to date, agreeing to fight the voices in my head that are telling me I have failed at life for not being as successful as internet celebrities at their age. The fight was announced after my inner demons called out…

Will Rowan | 1 minute read

Panic in jousting land as the age-old sport has been revealed to be one of the earliest examples of sounding. The sport has since evolved into a game of knocking each other off their horses with their jousting rod, a far cry from the tradition of getting each other off with a sounding rod. A…