As Theresa May made her [victory? — Eds.] speech outside number 10 this morning, a pair of green shamrock socks could be seen peeking from beneath her blue suit.

Across Westminster, successful Tory MPs were seen shakily downing pints of Guinness and putting mini Ulster Banners on their desks. In the Home Counties, Irish pubs saw an immediate increase in sales, and many Irish people have reported ‘wanton hugs’ from ‘well-spoken, teary-eyed people’.

Popular parochial comedy Father Ted has become the most searched-for programme online, and 3000 flights to Belfast were sold between 12.15 and 12.16 this afternoon. Westminster sources report that the Conservative Party is considering changing its name to the ‘Conservative and Good God I Love the Irish Party’.

More on this unexpected story as it comes.

— Myles Dunnett