[Henry, seemingly every other British publication has put an article stating their position on Boris Johnson. Please write one for The Lemon Press — Eds.]

Boris Johnson and I have only a few things in common. Most of these will be rather obvious to anyone with a passing understanding of the two of us, and I need not list them, as to do so would be far too complimentary towards Boris, and by implication far too rude towards me.

There is, however, a matter which has been in the public sphere, discussed much in the media, and a subject of the chattering classes. This matter is a deeply held, intrinsic love both Boris and I share, and it is on this that I must leap to his defence on this singular issue.

Let us get to the meat of the matter, then, for indeed the matter is one of meat. Earlier this year, the press reported the astonishing weight loss of Boris. The Daily Express, a paper of rather dingy standing, revealed that ‘the Brexit supporter, who has made headlines with his new girlfriend Carrie Symonds, has cut out one specific snack to shed the pounds.’

Boris is, of course, still making the headlines with Ms Symonds, but for the sake of our collective sanity, let us move beyond that sub-clause to the specific snack.

Chorizo. Yes, Boris and I share a great love for that spiced Spanish sausage. Chorizo, that cured culinary comfort. I am, I must confess, perhaps addicted to it. Recently, my local co-op stopped selling the chorizo rings upon which my daily cuisine had relied, and the consequences were most distressing (I rang them up and asked for a complaint to be passed to Head Office).

Boris is, regrettably, plainly, and irritatingly, a man. As with all of us, he is flawed, and deeply flawed in more ways than most of us. But he was capable of doing what I could not do: he gave up chorizo and cheese. For that, if nothing else, and there really is nothing else, I commend him for his moral strength. Is it a sign of strength of will and a demonstration of his leadership qualities? Absolutely not. But it is a hurdle he cleared that I could not, and that is why, I will always be in defence of Boris Johnson(‘s decision to stop eating chorizo).

— Henry Dyer