The rising favourite for next leader of the Conservative Party, Jacob Rees-Mogg, was found not to be a socialist in groundbreaking revelations that have sent shockwaves through the country. Rees-Mogg, the Eton and Oxford educated son of a Tory peer and former editor of the Times, who had a career in banking before moving into politics, was revealed to be rather strongly opposed to socialism in one of his many media appearances he has made recently.

Furthermore, not only is the plummy Rees-Mogg a Tory MP, but he also happens to be a rather staunch practicing Catholic. This has led some of his former acolytes to be shocked at the whole affair.

Chris from Newcastle commented: ‘I just thought he was a funny posh man. I had no idea he was actually a politician with policies and positions.’

Angela from Bedford wrote: ‘Wait, he’s completely opposed to abortion? But I thought he’s just one of those meme characters, like that Scumbag Steve man?’

Jacob Rees-Mogg from Gournay Court, West Harptree, had an equerry read the following to us: ‘An nescis, mi fili, quantilla prudentia mundus regatur?’

Theresa from London said: ‘YOUBLOODYIDIOTSHUTUPANDGOBACKTOLYINGONTHEBACKBENCHESLIKEATOOLWHYISNOONEHELPINGMEHERE.’

– Henry Dyer