You don’t seem to have a choice nowadays. Social contract this, social contract that. Slap me on the theoretical arse and call me Jean and Jacques, I ain’t never seen no contract. When did I ever consent? Did they take a hiccup for a yes and dribbling for a no?

Don’t worry, others at the University of York understand how you feel. We say no-no to a so-so society and all its maleficent manifestations. University societies are no different, they’ll tempt you with offers of ‘meeting people with similar interests’ and ‘having fun’. Soon enough you’ll be entering your email address into a GDPR-curious spreadsheet. At this point they’ve already won. It doesn’t have to be this way.

You see, I’m not part of a society, just part of a group that meets in V/123 every Thursday night at 7 p.m. to discuss how much we hate societies. All we ask is for your loyalty to the cause and £5 a year to pay towards fortnightly socials. Come along to our introductory talk — you’re certain to have fun meeting people with similar interests.

— Will Rowan