The Old York Times is taking the rare step of publishing an anonymous Op-Ed essay. We have done so at the request of the author, a senior official in the Durcan administration whose identity is known to us and whose job would be jeopardized by its disclosure. We believe publishing this essay will get us lots of clicks and maybe a few subscriptions, sorry, we mean, ‘publishing this essay anonymously is the only way to deliver an important perspective to our readers.’ We invite you to take your questions about the essay and shove them up your arse.

President Durcan is facing a test to his presidency unlike any faced by a modern student leader.

It’s not just that he’s the most boring man alive. Or that most of the university doesn’t care about what he does. Or even that his hairline might recede further.

The dilemma — which he does not fully grasp — is that many of the senior officials in his own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his campaign pledges and his worst inclinations, many of which are unspeakably depraved and still covered by blasphemy laws.

I would know. I am one of them.

To be clear, ours is not the popular ‘resistance’ of the RON campaign. We want the administration to succeed and think that many of its policies have already made the University seem like somewhere things happen.

But we believe our first duty is to this body, and the president continues to act in a manner that is detrimental to the health of our union.

That is why many Durcan stooges have vowed to do what we can to preserve our ‘democratic’ ‘institutions’ while thwarting Mr Durcan’s more misguided (did I mention depraved?) impulses until he is out of office.

The root of the problem is the president’s amorality. Anyone who works with him knows he is not moored to any discernible first principles of sense that guide his decision making.

Although he was elected as yet another college chair, the president shows little affinity for ideals long espoused by JCR head-honchos: avoid, at all costs, freely-flowing booze, frequent controversy and full-out flagrancy. At best, he has invoked these ideals in scripted settings. At worst, he has attacked them outright.

In addition to his mass-marketing of the notion that The Lemon Press is the ‘enemy of the people,’ President Durcan’s impulses are generally anti-commercial and anti-democratic.

Don’t get me wrong. There are bright spots that the near-ceaseless negative coverage of the administration fails to capture. I just can’t remember any right now. Weekly blogposts?

But these successes have come despite — not because of — the president’s leadership style, which is impetuous, adversarial, petty and ineffective. And one wonders why he was elected.

From Heslington Hall to the executive boardrooms of YUSU, senior (totally, 100%, unelected) officials will privately admit their daily disbelief at the clown in chief’s comments and actions. Most are working to insulate their operations from his whims.

Meetings with him veer off topic and off the rails, he engages in repetitive rants about fake freshers, and his impulsiveness results in half-baked, ill-informed and occasionally reckless decisions that have to be walked back, but obviously, not publicised.

It may be cold comfort in this chaotic era, but students should know that there are adults in the room. We fully recognize what is happening. And we are trying to do what’s right even when James Durcan won’t.

The result is a two-track presidency.

Take foreign policy: In public and in private, President Durcan shows a preference for autocrats and dictators, such as President Martin of the NUS and Lancaster’s leader, Rhiannon Jones, and displays little genuine appreciation for the ties that bind us to allied, like-minded unions.

Astute observers have noted, though, that the rest of the administration is operating on another track, one where universities like Lancaster are called out for meddling and punished accordingly, and where allies around the world are engaged as peers rather than ridiculed as rivals.

This isn’t the work of the so-called Efe’s extra-special deep-pan state. It’s the work of the slow and steady state — the Turtle, rather than the Hare.

Given the instability many witnessed, there were early whispers within the officer team of invoking a vote of no confidence, which would start a complex process for removing the president. But no one could be fucked to find the right amendment or document, and we can’t be arsed to talk to the Policy Coordinator, Josh Mackenzie. So we will do what we can to steer the administration in the right direction until — one way or another — it’s over.

The bigger concern is not what Mr Durcan has done to the presidency but rather what we as a union have allowed him to do to us. We have sunk low with him, right to the bottom of the lake, and allowed our skin to be stripped to the bone. It’s properly caustic down there, I don’t recommend it at all.

Former Nouse editor, Jim Fudge, put it best in his farewell editor’s letter. All students should heed his words, (these words and this column definitely 100% aren’t his), and break free of all this crap, with the high aim of uniting through our shared values and love of Courtyard, and their marvellous burgers.

We may no longer have Fudge. But we will always have the legacy of his marvellous — really, superb — journalism. Mr Durcan may fear such interesting men, who could totally have beat him, but we should revere them.

There is a quiet resistance within the administration of people choosing to put union first. But the real difference will be made by everyday students rising above politics, reaching across the aisle and resolving to shed the labels in favor of a single one: Apathetic.

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