Gamers across society have risen up to canonise Martin Luther as a gaming saint. The discovery of his sequel, the Ninety-Six Theses, or, Disputation on Microtransactions, has been acclaimed by gamer boys and gamer girls across Christendom.

Luther, best known for creating the hit franchise ‘Protestantism’ in 1517 on the Wittenberg Megascript System, is found to have written on the devilish attitude of games developers. While originally writing about chess, Luther argues that gamers are justified by matchmaking rank alone with the battle cry of ‘ELO FIDE’.

Luther goes on to attack the 16th century practices of buggy products being released such as one-colour chessboards, society, people stopping him from racially abusing other players, and the alleged supremacy of Pope Todd Howard II.

Gaming churches in the new Lutheran tradition are appearing across the world, with the central doctrinal tenets already starting to form: Final Destination, no items, Luther is risen indeed, gamers, rise up.

Next in Spiritual Gaming Heroes: Martin Luther King Jr.

— Henry Dyer