The biggest worm in ‘Dune’, one of the most visually-recognisable antagonists from any film this year. He’s a silent, borderline-Lovecraftian force of nature, but like so many damaged people I believe he is just one caring ear and tender embrace away from being fixed. I can fix him, and here’s the reasons why. 

1 – I too am opposed by capitalism and understand his anger towards the industrial complex. Not all of the worms attitudes have to be changed, I just have to get him to attack the system in less environmentally-catastrophic ways, like lobbying, or starting a podcast. I can change him, unless he just hates the miners in a Thatcher way, in which case I do also have a good track record of fixing Tories (albeit there will be less sexual tension on my part.) 

2 – There’s probably even bigger worms. You haven’t seen them, but there’s a whole worm community going on down there where there’s probably a load of bigger worms making fun of him. But to me he’s a big boy, I would let him be the big spoon and get all the protector role vibes his brushed ego needs. 

3 – I would also let him be the little spoon. Half of that angry energy probably comes from him feeling like he has to be in the aggressor role to fit into society, but my wormy dude doesn’t have to live up to that role all the time. I’m not exactly sure how I could be the big spoon to a several-kilometer wide worm, other than clinging onto him like a dissapoined nit on a bald man, but just knowing there is someone ready to wrap their arms around him and tell him it’s all going to be okay should calm my big boy down. 

4 – Massive mouth hole. Huge. Multi-layered. Sucking. I don’t need to think about how to give that worm reassurance, I’ll just let that sandwussy get to work and let him measure how much I value him by the gallon.