Black Sheep Coffee

The venture capitalist’s wet dream sweeping across post-Brexit Britain is treating each lucky gentrified town to either a Gail’s bakery or a Black Sheep Coffee shop. York has recently been blessed with the latter. So should you take a break from studying towards your BSc for a Black Sheep Coffee?

I have tried to learn to like this place (I’ve somehow spent over £40 at this branch in York). After prodding a cheap touch screen kiosk forcing me through 20 pages worth of optional upgrades I can’t afford, around 11.2  minutes later my name is called and I have a rather bitter and bland cup of coffee in hand. And I’m £4.90 worse off.

But let’s be fair; if you get so-called “menu anxiety” from interacting with staff, the digital ordering experience may be your cup of tea. Additionally, they offer some quirky coffees such as the “Get the Glow Latte”. Apparently it contains “a unique mushroom blend and marine collagen”. Granted, it’s not suitable for vegetarians, vegans, children, or those who are pregnant. In other words, most of our readership. 

Baa baa Black Sheep,

Have you any beans?

Yes sir, yes sir,

Mass-produced by machines.

One cup for the banker,

One cup for the gym bro,

None for the student

Cause It’s £5 a go.

Drip drip disappointment,

Lukewarm and thin,

Self-serve screens greet you

With a “please tap PIN.”

Baa baa Black Sheep,

Have you any soul?

“No sir, no sir,

Just investor control.”

Drift In

We came for the coffee, stayed for the Eggs Florentine. In part because we had to wait 20 minutes competing against the Connie girls’ brunch club for a table. But it was worth it, right?

It turns out that it was, and I thoroughly enjoyed my frothy coffee with a perfectly poached egg. My council-estate raised companion wasn’t initially amused by the necessity for sourdough bread, though the staff were understanding in swapping it out.

Frankly, I don’t think you can go wrong here. It may be more trust fund friendly than we’d like, but at least the prices are proportionate to the experience. I can wholeheartedly recommend you visit early on a Saturday morning with your flat to spend into your overdraft after one of those mediocre nights out. 

“No better place to question your life choices over a beetroot latte.”

Starbucks Coffee

Hardly needs an introduction, but entering a Starbucks in York presents a familiar scene; a sea of girls (and gay men) sitting on their 13” MacBook Airs sipping a skinny iced caramel macchiato, occasionally looking up from their split screen of ChatGPT and a Google Doc to discuss their next holiday in Capri. They may well only have ordered one beverage, but you know they’ll be occupying that table for at least five hours.

Clientele aside, if you’re accustomed to that signature overroasted coffee flavour, Starbucks is sure to offer you a consistent experience. As the name suggests, keep in mind that you’ll be paying top dollar buck for it. However, for the 17.9% of readers who are privately educated, this should pose a relatively trivial expense.

“Where our baristas nurture your next generation of barristers.”

Gatehouse Coffee

This coffee house is nestled in the walls of Walmgate Bar, which is the most complete of the four OG medieval gateways into York. It’s also the closest gate to the University. So is it worth calling in for a cuppa? 

In contrast to the venue’s heritage, you will observe your coffee will be prepared and served by a team of friendly American missionaries. So just as medieval watchmen prayed to protect their city from invasion, Gatehouse’s baristas called on the holy spirit to help them craft your perfect brew. 

And it seems God listens; I thoroughly enjoyed my £3.40 cappuccino, which was smooth and perfectly frothed, with just the right amount of chocolate sprinkles. I believe this is helped by the use of Divine Coffee Roasters ®, whose beans are roasted locally in York. 

Our Father, who brews in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Divine roast.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,
In Walmgate Bar, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily brew,
And forgive us our tresspasses,
As we forgive those who pay
American Express.

Lead us not into bitterness,
But deliver us from over-roasted coffee.
For Thine is the Kingdom,
And the crema, and the glory,
Forever and ever. Amen.

200 Degrees

Are we talking 200 degrees in terms of his majesty’s imperial fahrenheit, or filthy EU centigrade? As it turns out, the name is ingeniously Daily Mail proof, as it can refer both to the coffee’s bean roasting temperature, or its brewing temperature. 

Either way, they’ve selected a sensible value. The little coffee chain – of around 20 shops across the country – can pull a consistently good shot of espresso. You need not take my word for it, as Caffè Nero thought it was good enough to warrant buying up the whole chain in October 2024.

Its coffee houses feature rustic, industrial interiors, where the sophisticated hipsters of London would feel at home. Fortunately, there aren’t many of them around here (for now), leaving us northern folk to enjoy it ourselves.

“Taste the trends of Shoreditch, only just next door to PoundLand.”