In previous years, the university hired photographers who were willing to artificially ‘thin’ you for a fee. This year, graduation photographers are offering a service which will age you beyond your years. No, it’s not the stress of £27,000 in tuition fees that add the wrinkles but a partnership with FaceApp that will leave you looking like a physical manifestation of Windows 7: end of life and vulnerable to security breaches.

They can do much more than age you: they provide the elixir of life for just £10 a shot. Postgraduate students have been particularly keen to take advantage of the ability to appear nigh-on pre-pubescent. Exam-hardened faces return to the afterglow of post A-level euphoria in a matter of moments.

Family graduation photos are where it starts to get interesting. You may have brought your parents, maybe even a grandparent or two. Now imagine you all looking the same age on your graduation photos. That was just a taste. Now picture your grandmother looking like your granddaughter and your lawyer dad looking like your son. £10, that’s all it costs. Bargain.

A premium service allows you to combine your face with other great minds in your subject area. Students can adopt the features of Feynman, the smile of the Joker, and the glassy, guilty stare of Pistorius. All this data will be securely stored in a server farm until it is sold to the highest bidder.

Congratulations on graduating!

— Will Rowan