In the wake of revelations that Jeremy Corbyn backed a graffiti artist in 2012 whose artwork had anti-semitic tropes on Facebook, his ardent supporters have been quick to dismiss the claims, criticism, and even the statement by his office as part of a global conspiracy.

In a video posted on Twitter that opens with a man snorting crushed BrainForce ExtraPlus++ pills off an avocado, @PeaceAndOttolenghiLover63 said: ‘Luciana Berger’s treacherous Tory tricks, even if she claims to be a Labour MP, is just another part of the Mainstream Media Establishment crony machine which is seeking to destroy Momentu — sorry, got ahead of myself there — the Labour Party’s chances of winning the local elections to stop Jeremy from taking power and dismantling the global new world order. The machine has got so strong in its effort to put us down that they’ve even taken over Jeremy’s office.’

Others were quick to reply, suggesting possible identities for the supposed shadowy figures, ranging from Cambridge Analytica ’because it was on Facebook so you know’, ISIS, ‘definitely not Vladimir Putin because he is a good pal’, George Soros, Admiral Horatio Nelson, the Rothschilds, the Habsburgs, a work colleague who ‘likes the colour blue and has a lot of candles, I’m just saying’, and a small snail nicknamed ‘Stephen’ who keeps eating one user’s tomato plants.

When it was asked if some of the suggestions most frequently made were themselves anti-semitic, several Corbynistas paused for thought, before being violently purged, e.g., unfollowed despite the #FBPE tag they have, regardless of Corbyn’s clear Eurosceptic stance, and uninvited from their local Momentum ‘Compost for Corbyn’ event.

Number 10 commented: ‘At this point in time, we are too busy both laughing our arses off, and getting embroiled in our scandal, though this one is to do with outing someone. Hurrah for diversity!’

— Henry Dyer

[Shockingly, since the time this was written, much of this seems to have actually occurred — Eds.]