Disclosure: The Lemon Press received a free ticket to review this show. But, hey, it’s not like we had any editorial ethics anyway.

The brain behind Hallows Gate: The Eyes of Time is a humble one. He says that he is ‘worse than Shakespeare’. His promenading-but-not-pedestrian montage of historical vignettes is woven through the streets of York. The cast are confident and engaging, especially given the public space. Sure, there are one or two clunky lines, but ‘to be, or not to be: that is the question’ isn’t in ‘proper’ iambic pentameter, so everyone’s a hack now and then. But, just to be clear, Damian Freddi is not Shakespeare (although certain scholars would have you believe everyone and anyone could be Shakespeare).

The whirlwind hour-and-a-bit (it feels longer — stop your tittering in the back) of the ‘interactive horror experience’ built upon seven years of participation in street theatre sees the evening’s punters scrabbling (well, strolling) through the dark narrow streets of York. If nothing else, it might show you some locations you’d never know about otherwise, such as the secluded courtyard of Holy Trinity Church, Goodramgate. During this, the engaging narrative raises all these thoughts and more:

• Is the solution to York’s housing crisis a plague of the sorts seen in 1604?
• Is indefinite detention at Guantanamo Bay too lax?
• Do Deliveroo cyclists have a murderous streak, or are they just bastards?
• What is the policy position of the fictional ‘Ministry of Time’, to which many of the characters were linked to, with regards to Brexit? Who’s democratically responsible for it? Are the Time Agents licensed?
• Did the Catholics deserve being tortured in the 16th century? I’m just saying.
• Why is the host of the Ghost Trail that starts near the Ouse noted for being ‘legally allowed to perform to children’ as opposed to one that starts somewhere near the Shambles?
• Oh God, I’m the only person here alone, what a horrible portent of social inadequacy, haha, now that’s terrifying, FUUUUC — [Oh dear. –Eds.]
• Why isn’t this convict handcuffed?
• Well, I can confidently say this is the first time I’ve been in a torch-bearing mob late at night heading from historic location to historic location.
• These bloody youths in the Shambles Market should probably be put down with their deliberately loud skateboarding. Can’t they see we’re trying to do something?
• Promenading street theatre is, amazingly, more comfortable than sitting on the horrific benches of the DramaSoc barn.

A series of grisly but informative stories across York’s history (some involving audience participation, for which your reporter was thankfully not selected — that would have been true horror) were unravelled in key locations such as the statue of Constantine the Great, Grape Lane, and the Shambles Market by the main cast of Gemma-Louise Keane’s ‘Alice’ (the first time-traveller), Elliot Howden Roberts’s ‘Agent 36’ (no relation to Hitman’s ‘Agent 47’), and Damian Freddi’s ‘Itch’ (named after the Japanese word for ‘one’). Yes, the performance doesn’t have the critical modernist eye of Smartasshov, the introspective questioning of the human soul of Pseudsovski, nor the visceral ripping to shreds of everything and anything (aside from spines and rib cages) of Madame P. Modernelli. But for a show which is telling some of the historical stories (perhaps embellished at times, but rooted in reality) that have occurred in York, and is naturally going to be mostly based in exposition than character drama, it ticks all the boxes. I learnt some cool stuff, such as some nice detailed descriptions of old torture techniques, as told in the stories concerning Margaret Clitheroe (Catholic saint) and Guy Fawkes (would-be boom-boom boy). That’s a very important box, ticked.

Part Doctor Who, part X-Files, and thank god no-parts Rick and Morty (unless of course because I do not have a very high IQ I couldn’t spot it), Hallows Gate is an enjoyable way to while away an evening. You can catch up with the story so far with their YouTube web series, which has been described by pundits as ‘kino’, ‘the spiritual sequel to Fritz Lang’s Metropolis’, and ‘better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick’.

It also starts and finishes just outside the Golden Fleece on Pavement, which is a lovely and allegedly haunted pub, and much of the cast decamp there afterwards for drinks if you’d like to discuss the story further, and anything else. Adult tickets are £7.50 on-the-spot and the York Theatre Royal page also lists student concession tickets for a fiver, but double check on the Facebook event page to see if that’s doable on-the-spot or just book through the website — note that does have additional transaction charges (a thousand curses upon that ‘bureaucratic’ absurdity). The show runs every evening at 18.45 from the 18th of October to Halloween.

Rating: Pretty good/Blade Runner 2049
Spook factor: No-deal Brexit/Where’s my skeleton gone?
Cast: Damian Freddi, Gemma-Louise Keane, Elliot Howden Roberts, Dominic Amlôt, Jake Telfer, Olivia Jeffery, Ruben Wollny, and Kristian Bradley.

Now, read on for choice extracts from a post-show interview with Damian Freddi…

• Assad or Syrian rebels? ‘Neither.’
• Catalonian independence or ruthless brutality? ‘Ruthless brutality.’
• Catalonian independence or Scottish independence? ‘Scottish independence. They do better whisky.’

‘Oliver Cromwell? I admire his persistence [at killing the Irish].’

• Two state solution, or three state solution? ‘Three state solution. A third for everyone who doesn’t give a fuck. Palestine and Israel can shoot one another to pieces.’
• Do you think hate preaching imams should be given a safe space? ‘Yes. But they should be kept there.’ Indefinite detention? ‘Well, indefinite protection. Give them a doll.’ A ‘doll’ or a doll? ‘What happens in the room stays in the room.’
• BBC One or BBC Two: ‘BBC One. It’s got Doctor Who. […] I don’t give a shit about The Great British Bake Off. Mary Berry should be killed like cattle. Airgun to the back of the head.’

‘If at first you don’t succeed, kill Mary Berry again and again and again.’

• What’s your opinion of PantSoc? ‘You should probably stay away. They’re crazy!’
• Will you endorse The Lemon Press’s woodchipper feature? ‘Yes.’
• Has terrorism lost its spark? ‘Bless them, they keep on trying…’

‘Piers Morgan deserves to suffer. Run a hosepipe through his digestive tract, then string barbed wire through the hosepipe, then pull out the hosepipe. Prolapse his whole digestive system. It’s inhumane, but so is he.’ (Following remarks saying ‘interrogation techniques — torture — it doesn’t work. It’s about power.’)

And…

‘Wait, is this on the record?’

— Henry Dyer