The UK’s new Prime Minister, Theresa May, has been spending the evening announcing senior members of her new cabinet. Here is a summary of the announcements so far.

1. Chancellor of the Exchequer and Secretary of State for Long Term Economic Plans: Philip Hammond
2. Secretary of State for Exile, Gentle Diplomacy, and ‘Racial Banter’: Boris Johnson
3. Kicking the Homeless Secretary: Amber Rudd
4. Secretary of State for Radio 4 and Trying Really Hard Not to Bomb Anyone: Michael Fallon
5. Secretary of State for Arming Saudi Arabia: Liam Fox
6. Secretary of State for Poisoned Chalices: David Davis

— Henry Dyer