The Himbos Journey 

The story structure of ‘The Hero’s Journey’ has been a staple of any storytelling media, from ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Shrek’ to ‘Harry Potter’ and ‘The Hobbit’. But all of those are stories for nerds, where is the stereotypical fiction formula for dudes who fuck? Fret no more, for this is The Himbos Journey.

Call to Adventure – Our himbo is awoken to a glowing vibrating phone, with a simple text of ‘u up ?x’ lying across it. Of course, our naive himbo was in bed by 11pm and put his phone away to reduce his blue light exposure, but the thought of some poor female needing his help and platonic support wakes him from his slumber. 

Refusal of the Call – Through a rapid-fire deployment of nudes, our himbo learns this call for help is instead a call for mutual head! While intrigued by the proposal, the complexity and high-stakes of the mission intimidates him. In a half-awake state of anxiety, out himbo rejects the call. 

Meeting the Mentor  – Lost and without a sense of direction, our disheartened Himbo eventually has a chance encounter with a mysterious MILF. With a trustworthy amount of milkiness, the MILF takes him under her wing and shows him the ways in which one must pleasure a woman. 

Crossing the Threshold  – Armed with confidence, a bagful of clit tricks and a bicep pump, our Himbo leaves his cave in search of bimbos to pleasure. Sure he is nervous about leaving behind his regular sleeping schedule and the safe ideas of women he could get with in his head, but with that first step out of his confidence zone he can only move forwards. 

Trials, Allies & Enemies – The main section of the story, where our Himbo goes through a series of women in a bid to improve himself. Along the way he makes allies through his gentlemanly treatment of bimbos and their mothers, but finds dangerous enemies in the form of their boyfriends. Whether they are extremely buff, have scary mates, or ‘know computers’, our himbo overcomes the threat of each boyfriend and becomes a stronger himbo along the way. 

Approach to the Innermost Cave – With every bimbo in an Uber-able distance pleasured, our himbo receives the exact same ‘u up x’ text from the same girl at the start of the journey. Now a changed man, he summons up the courage to reply, and within minutes the ultimate meeting of the ‘imbos is on.

The Supreme Ordeal – After a life-changing journey of becoming a man, our himbo manages to last 10 minutes, which is still twice as long as either of them thought he would. Nice. 

Reward – Our story ends with our himbo in the afterglow of a battle hard thought, concluding as the bimbo turns to our conquering hero and saying ‘I genuinely didn’t hate all of that experience’. No reward has ever been sweeter. 

Daniel Bennett