Report: Another Terrible Year For Horse Worms 

Amidst the continued popularity of Ivermectin to treat COVID-19, the horse worm community is set to enter a third year of record deaths and unemployment. Speaking exclusively to The Lemon Press from an undisclosed location, Arnold Redworm said ‘it has been an absolutely devastating time for all of us. Naturally when the pandemic first began we were all very concerned about how this would affect the filming of Eastenders, it’s a big show down here, however we were all still able to go into work as the virus didn’t affect us. We don’t have lungs, you see. Cos we’re worms.’

‘However somebody heard that you could treat the virus with horse dewormer and, well, boom that was the end for a lot of us. Humans taking it themselves was not the issue, there’s not a lot of work going in the human arsehole market, especially since the Joe Rogan and Laurence Fox followers most likely to take it tend to block the entrance with their own heads. The problem was the money going into Ivermectin, meaning production of it went up and these days you can’t find a stable residence in a horse for love nor money.’

‘It’s not been all bad. We have begun supporting the works of Billie Piper as a sort of counter-cultural rebellion in the worm community, and a lot of us have really got into Secret Diary of a Call Girl now! But seriously, we’ve lost some good guys recently, and the ones who are left are having to change careers. I’m trying to worm my way into patent law, it’s been a long time love of mine but I just need someone to pick me up on it. For now I’m just getting by from random freelance work, it’s a slog but I’ve found it a great way to meet like-minded people! ‘