Freshers Sent to Kabul

October 06, 20211 minute read

With accommodation in York full, freshers are set to be sent to Kabul. The University have secured space for over a hundred students in a hotel near Hamid Karzai International Airport. Shockingly, local accommodation was largely unbooked even at this time of year.

Regular shuttle helicopters will take off from the hotel’s roof from dusk to dawn. It’s just one way that students will get a reasonable ‘York experience’ despite living off-campus.

A team of college tutors have been dispatched to accompany students and are currently in their 5th day of interrogation in a secure facility just underneath the airport. Students will be sure to have a sore head the next morning after a full ‘club’ night lineup of rubber bullets, tear gas, and waterboarding.

A spokesperson told The Lemon Press, ‘It’s a great deal for students, we couldn’t quite believe our luck. We’ll be very happy to welcome all these students in Anne Lister come January, only if they want to move back to campus of course.’

A 10% discount will be offered on the accommodation as a goodwill gesture.

Will Rowan


Written by Will

Several hundred TLP articles deep, there’s no escape at this point. He's your secretary which means he sends a little nugget of joy to your email every week.

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