Complete Guide To ILFs

January 13, 20223 minute read

BILF – Bros; just because they’re your dudes, it doesn’t mean they can’t have big ILF energy.

CILF – Centenarians, a kink that exploded after mega CILF Captain Tom. An entire nation jealous of a zimmer frame…

DILF – Da’s, Dads and Daddies. These are three separate demographics, a Da is an older centrist, a Dad is just someone who has bred a child, and a Daddy can be anyone emitting dominant father energy. Please classify your D’s correctly.

FILF – Filthy people, if you can get past the grime you can have a great time!

GILF – Controversially, this one is only reserved for Grandads. If we separate parents, why are we not separating grandparents? Seems rather ageist tbf. 

HILF – Hobbits. You all have one you find the most attractive, admit it.

JILF – Okay I swear there was an American spread called Jilf? Like I can see the label in my head and everything, have I gaslit myself into seeing a fictional spread? Anyway a Jilf is a fuckable John from Garfield. 

KILF – Could either refer to a serial killer or a man in a kilt, it’s up to you to figure out which one is more socially-acceptable. 

LILF – Lenny Leonard, a uniquely Sigma male man, is an example of a Lenny I would fuck.

MILF – Miscellaneous, for both Mothers and any other category not caught by the list, because almost every category of person can have fuckable members! [We’ve never seen our legal team move so fast as when they put ‘almost’ in that sentence – Eds]. 

NILF – Nans! They finally have their own category, hooray! 

PILF – An attractive person who has been ‘pilled’, whether that be red, blue or gamer!

QILF – Queens, which again is a mindset rather than a title (whilst Girlbosses are determined by what the title-holder does, a Queen is determined by how others treat the title-holder).

RILF – Anyone Scooby-Doo would find attractive. 

SILF – Slytherin, a term created exclusively for Malfoys, however J.K.Rowling recently revealed it was created in 1587 for the hung wizarding master Snekdicke McCumples. 

TILF – A term for hot Tories that should be classified as a slur, nobody should ever use that word, I’ve just been sick writing it. Eeeeeeeeeeeergh. 

VILF – Villain, we all like a baddie!

WILF – Wilfred Mott, what a breedable man, I’d like some of Bernard’s Cribbins please!

XILF – Pirates I’d like to fuck, I wanna see what that hook can do to me!

YILF – You! No, not actually you, it’s just while you were reading this I created this idea of you in my head, I would never actually do it as I have this perfect world in my imagination. You even found the joke about Scooby-Doo funny in it, it’s so lovely in here.

ZILF – Zero-chance, if there is someone who you would never ever do under any circumstances, they are pure ZILFs!


Written by Dan

Editor of The Lemon Press, Hero to The Masses, Legend of The Streets

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