Complete Guide To ILFs

BILF – Bros; just because they’re your dudes, it doesn’t mean they can’t have big ILF energy.

CILF – Centenarians, a kink that exploded after mega CILF Captain Tom. An entire nation jealous of a zimmer frame…

DILF – Da’s, Dads and Daddies. These are three separate demographics, a Da is an older centrist, a Dad is just someone who has bred a child, and a Daddy can be anyone emitting dominant father energy. Please classify your D’s correctly.

FILF – Filthy people, if you can get past the grime you can have a great time!

GILF – Controversially, this one is only reserved for Grandads. If we separate parents, why are we not separating grandparents? Seems rather ageist tbf. 

HILF – Hobbits. You all have one you find the most attractive, admit it.

JILF – Okay I swear there was an American spread called Jilf? Like I can see the label in my head and everything, have I gaslit myself into seeing a fictional spread? Anyway a Jilf is a fuckable John from Garfield. 

KILF – Could either refer to a serial killer or a man in a kilt, it’s up to you to figure out which one is more socially-acceptable. 

LILF – Lenny Leonard, a uniquely Sigma male man, is an example of a Lenny I would fuck.

MILF – Miscellaneous, for both Mothers and any other category not caught by the list, because almost every category of person can have fuckable members! [We’ve never seen our legal team move so fast as when they put ‘almost’ in that sentence – Eds]. 

NILF – Nans! They finally have their own category, hooray! 

PILF – An attractive person who has been ‘pilled’, whether that be red, blue or gamer!

QILF – Queens, which again is a mindset rather than a title (whilst Girlbosses are determined by what the title-holder does, a Queen is determined by how others treat the title-holder).

RILF – Anyone Scooby-Doo would find attractive. 

SILF – Slytherin, a term created exclusively for Malfoys, however J.K.Rowling recently revealed it was created in 1587 for the hung wizarding master Snekdicke McCumples. 

TILF – A term for hot Tories that should be classified as a slur, nobody should ever use that word, I’ve just been sick writing it. Eeeeeeeeeeeergh. 

VILF – Villain, we all like a baddie!

WILF – Wilfred Mott, what a breedable man, I’d like some of Bernard’s Cribbins please!

XILF – Pirates I’d like to fuck, I wanna see what that hook can do to me!

YILF – You! No, not actually you, it’s just while you were reading this I created this idea of you in my head, I would never actually do it as I have this perfect world in my imagination. You even found the joke about Scooby-Doo funny in it, it’s so lovely in here.

ZILF – Zero-chance, if there is someone who you would never ever do under any circumstances, they are pure ZILFs!