Information from MI6 has revealed that the intelligence service is keeping highly detailed records on the BBC wildlife presenter, Chris Packham. Leaked by an insider last week, the files reveal Packham to be a threat to national security, a cog in an international firearms smuggling ring, and potentially the living embodiment of Mictlantecuhtli, the Aztec god of death and the underworld. Strong stuff for a guy who gets hyped up over fox shit. But I guess that’s the perfect cover.
As well as denying the charges, Packham has also taken to wearing Kevlar-lined bulletproof gilets, hiring body-doubles, and has even threatened to not film outside until the files are destroyed. But dangerous or not, it is hoped that MI6 doesn’t try and assassinate Chris Packham. And anyway, Springwatch shuts the boomers up for an hour and MI6 really should have more important things to do.