Lemonline have received news that Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, has resigned after eleven years at the post. He will be undoubtedly remembered as the Archbishop who refused to allow the Church of England to perform same-sex marriage. Welby first became a priest in 1989, when he retired from his job as an executive at […]

The ‘Blue Wave’ that political commentators across the globe promised us would cancel out the Republican Party’s early lead in the US election is on its way, definitely.  You would be forgiven for losing hope as a number of signs seemed to suggest Trump was doing well in the election, like when they announced the […]

Having seen Kamala Harris’s surge in online popularity after being endorsed by Charlie XCX’s “Kamala IS Brat”, Taylor Swift has entered her political era by swooping in to offer her unequivocal support for the Democratic presidential candidate, ensuring yet again that no other female artist dares to steal her limelight. The country-turned-pop singer behind the […]

Mr Speaker: Boris you have the floor. Boris: MP’s unclog your waxy, hairy earholes, I have some Earl Grey tea to spill! Rishi Sunak: If it’s not to do with how to get red peppers at Waitrose again, then I don’t care. Boris: You little wanker. You don’t give a flying fuck about anyone in […]

As the Tories approach yet another leadership election, The Lemon Press can take you through all of the candidates. Or you could go to Nisa, buy a bottle of the cheapest most vile whisky you find, down it, and then break all the walls in Derwent in an attempt to get the asbestos to kill […]

In an effort to reach out and increase support among the hardcore gamers of Sweden, Magdalena Andersson of the Social Democrats attempted a speedrun of being Prime Minister. She was declared Prime Minister at 10:00 and finished her term as Prime Minister at 16:00.  It is unclear what the effect will be because this is […]

Due to recent arguments within the Conservative Party, a group of Conservative MPs have decided to break away from the Tory party and indeed politics altogether to form a TikTok Content House. The move is rumoured to have been led by Michael Gove who made the decision for this career change a little while after […]

Marred by rumours that a charity foundation may not be completely devoted to giving the highest possible amount of money to those who need it, the Captain Tom Foundation is closing down and putting some of their vast range of products on sale. Here is an exclusive look at some products you will soon be […]

Bad news sex-havers, Coldplay have just announced they’ll stop recording more of their sweet baby-making music in 2025.The stocking filler of getting filled, Chris Martin’s dulcet tones have been setting the sex scene for over 20 years. Now we’ll only have three more sensual overloads of albums before Martin finishes. Following the release of Fix […]