Due to it’s recent actions in the Gaza region, Israel has come under heavier fire from the UN than a Palestinian hospital. In an effort to deflect the hand of international diplomacy hovering menacingly over their wrists, Israeli officials claim that any perceived atrocities in their campaign were the result of ‘a week of unfortunate accidents’. For example, it is not the responsibility of high ranking generals to ensure missile navigators are blessed with 20/20 vision. By extension, governmental accountability is diminished when health centres are confounded with ‘large tunnel shaped hospitals’.
Storming of civilian centres has also been widespread in the Israeli initiative, but these instances have also been attributed to their armed forces’ Pythonesque propensity for war crimes. Many officials blame the poor depth perception of their ground troops, which resulted in them being unable to distinguish between tunnel networks and the domiciles of non-belligerents. One sergeant says “Do you know how difficult it is to tell the difference between a house and an underground base? Or how easy it is to mistake a bomb vest for a pregnancy? You westerners seriously underestimate the logistics involved in discerning between active firearms and teddy bears”.
The defence secretary remains obstinate that their offensive is justified, and acts incredulous that the west is criticizing Israel’s suspicious dedication to the scheme. “I find it quite hard to believe that your nation’s are being so hideously inconsiderate for those who are perhaps a little less competent than the average person. Many of these citizens would find major difficulties finding jobs anywhere else – only so many positions are available at Russian SAM sites.”