Today, the entirety of the British government has been arrested on account of breaking several of their recently introduced pornography laws. In direct contravention to what was stipulated in the bill, BBC Parliament televised the house violently fisting Britain’s pornography industry without consent and in an abhorrent abuse of dignity, proceeded to urinate into the Freedom of Information Act’s open mouth one by one. Most alarmingly, sources claim that the bill was delivered by Eric Pickles wearing a gimp costume, hurling abuse at the beleaguered set of rights. “Yes, you take that you saucy little slut” Mr Pickles shouted “No fisting, no spanking unless I say it’s strong enough and no sex in my porn – we are not a country of degenerates!” All the while, he relentlessly flogged the industry to within an inch of it’s life.
Government spokespersons have been suspiciously silent on their salacious abuse of pornography, however, one MP was willing to buckle up his trousers, grab his walking stick and speak to our representative. Unfortunately, he gesticulated his arms in the air and screamed the words “THINK OF THE CHILDREN. WHAT IS THE INTERNET? WHERE AM I?” for half an hour before a party whip came along and told him he was in a prime position to join the House of Lords.
There are currently 3.5 million children in the UK living in relative poverty, who’s standard of living has risen dramatically since the risk of seeing a bare tit was eliminated.