Coronavirus
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Police Warn of Pedophile Dressed Up As Nightingale Hospital
Following the closure of schools, Sheffield’s most notorious pedophile has had to move with the times: changing his school outfit for a fully-equipped Nightingale hospital. With everyone at home, he wasn’t fooling anyone with ‘Sheffield School — Open Day’. The monster is now roaming the streets as a 500 bed two-storey hospital, luring sick children in with […]
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PPE Students Agree the UK Has Too Little PPE
PPE students up and down the country have felt more appreciated over the last month than when they last had to explain their degree title. Doctors, nurses, carers, they can’t get enough of it — and they’re certainly not getting enough of it. Despite doing PPE at Oxford, Matt Hancock has completely failed to deliver sufficient PPE. […]
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Gotham City in Lockdown After First Coronavirus Case
Gotham City is the first U.S city to be put into lockdown following an outbreak of Coronavirus. Keen to contain the crisis, President Trump appointed a loyalist to control the outbreak: Bane. Bane is a rising star of the Republican Party, having attracted funding from the League of Shadows super PAC during his unsuccessful run […]
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Coronavirus Comes to York After ‘Narrowly’ Missing Cambridge Offer
According to NHS England, there has been an outbreak of coronavirus in York. However, The Lemon Press has learned that York is, in fact, the virus’ ‘second choice’ of city after Cambridge. Despite giving a ‘promising’ interview, the virus ultimately failed to achieve its A*AA offer and its dreams of attending the prestigious institution. After […]
