Yes. My mate Terry told me his Aunt Sarah got a whatsapp which said Keir Starmer, in his position as Shadow Prime Minister, absolutely banned you personally from masturbating. YOU, the reader. He said your name, he said your address, he’s seen your search history and he’s not impressed. He showed it to your mum. She cried. Stop it. ‘Mr Blobby gets jiggy with hot teletubby’ is not an appropriate thing to be searching for on Jstor. It’s not part of your thesis paper, that’s on the life cycle of south american bees. NOT EVEN WASPS. Fuck you.