Campus
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Donald Trump Declares Victory in York SU Elections
In a bizarre and, frankly, disturbing move White House resident Donald Trump has preemptively declared himself York SU’s Union Affairs Officer. In a statement released on Monday, the Home Alone 2 star claimed that it’s “obvious” that the overwhelming majority of York students wanted him to lead York SU. He also added that “while it […]
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Uni of York Band ’The Jefferies’ Release Debut Album
The up-and-coming UoY indie-rock band The Jefferies released their eagerly anticipated debut album on Friday. The trio, all from James College, only formed in October 2023, but they have fast become the stars of the Campus music scene. Titled The DTEF Queen Is Dead, their first studio album explores the relationship between the built environment […]
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Disgraced Uni of York Reform Society Students Launch Protest Society
A faction of ReformSoc that was kicked out for not being racist enough decided that they would now focus on what they do best – complain and be annoying. They already did their first anti-anti-Reform protest and have published what they will be protesting against next month. As much as we hate them, they will […]
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15 Point Plan to Address University of York’s £15m Deficit
1. Close the two remaining receptions and replace all receptionists with YABBAtars (York Automated Bionic Buddy & Assistant). 2. Completely axe Open Door mental health support and sign post students to DeepSeek (open-source natural language chatbot) when they feel sad. 3. Design, print and deploy even more energy saving posters. 4. Buy and fly an […]
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York SU Announces New Sabb Role, Supreme Pontiff
In an attempt to fill the power vacuum left by removing the ‘President’ role from the Student Union, the boffins at York SU have developed the role of ‘Supreme Pontiff’, or just ‘Tha Pope’. Lewis Parrey, who is currently the ‘Union Affairs Officer’, which he assures us is “basically the President, like, genuinely, literally just […]
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Harvey Dowdy, Former Director of DTEF, Plans a Cheese Pilgrimage
Harvey Dowdy, former director of the University of York’s Department of Technology, Estates and Facilities, will be embarking on several Bikexplore cycling tours across Yorkshire this year. Seeking “pleasure first and foremost”, Harvey’s cycling tours feature “excellent cafe stops and comfortable accommodation”. She’ll be cycling across the Vale of York, the Wolds and the North […]
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Alcuin Goose Appeal
The Alcuin College Committee is currently appealing for a goose on the loose. The goose was last seen entertaining guests at The Lemon Press’s Christmas Party on the evening of 12 December. The Alcuin Goose came to be after he was abandoned by a student who could not take him home due to stringent airline […]
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UoY Declares ’Old Testament Justice’ in Force for Long Boi Vandal
University of York Vice Chancellor Charlie Jeffery today announced that “Old Testament Justice” would be employed against the snivelling pus bag who vandalised the statue of Long Boi. The statue, which sits near Derwent K Block, had its left leg cut during the night of the 14th November, completely coincidentally the same night as The […]
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TV’s Most Haunted Investigates Reputedly Haunted Eric Milner B Block
The television show Most Haunted has last week investigated the reputedly haunted Eric Milner B Building, The Lemon Press has learned. The TV show, presented by Yvette Fielding, features a team of ghost hunters who investigate reports of paranormal activity at supposedly haunted locations throughout the country. Most Haunted was said to have been attracted […]
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‘Please Stop Calling Us YUSU’ Begs YUSU’s Marketing Team
In a heartfelt message to departments and societies, YUSU has asked everyone to stop referring to it as “YUSU”. YUSU’s CEO, who The Lemon Press are not naming for legal reasons, said in a statement “We think that the abbreviation “YUSU” isn’t very inclusive, so we’re going to stop using it. Please stop calling us […]
